Answering Machines!
by Univerasal Disaster
Summary: Ever wonder what the Ninja of Naruto would have as thier voicebox messages? Well guess what? I happen to have a pretty good guess!
1. Teams Sand, Gai, Eight and Ten

Alex: hi all

Alex: hi all! Yes this is another one-shot, I'm thinking about making it a two shot but we'll see

Ashley: Universal Disaster does not own the Naruto series or any other copyrighted stuff that she doesn't own!!

Alex: So enjoy the answering machine goodness!!

--

First the Sand Team!

Gaara:

_Hello this is Gaara's answering machine, please if you're a fangirl do not scream into the phone after the beep before hanging up, and if Psycho Killers anonymous is calling then I can't make it to the next meeting.../Beep/_

Temari:

_HIYA! This is Temari's phone seeing as how your reading this then you obviously can't reach me! I'm either on a mission or hate your guts, please if I hate your guts, and yes Kankorou that means you, Then don't leave a message or I shall be forced to hunt you down and slice you into sushi for diner, Thank you and have a nice day!.../Beep/_

Kankouro:

_Kankouro is not here, seeing as how Temari probably flushed my phone down the toilet,…….again, So I wont be able to get this back till the guys at the Sanitation plant find it and send it back, So if your about to call and warn me about accidentally leaving one of my tools in Temari's room while you were visiting…………NARUTO……….Then your too late……./Beep/_

Baki:

_HOW DO THESE THINGS WORK?? Dammit I've been trying to call the Kazecage all day about the Chunnin exams but I can't figure it out!! Crap, now I have to walk all that way…………..wait was this the answering machine? /Beep /_

Now Team Gai –

Gai and Lee:

_(Gai) Good morning my youthful callers!! (Lee) Yosh!! Let the sparkles of Youth guide you! (Gai) We're training or on a mission and unable to spread youth at this time! (Lee) So please leave your youthful number where we can reach you and give you some Youth!! (Gai) Lee your such a great person! (Lee) GAI-SENSEI!! (Gai) LEE!!(Lee) GAI-/Beep/_

Neji:

_(Tenten) Come on just do it! You need to put a message on your phone or people who call and you don't pick up will think they have the wrong number! (Neji) /sigh/ Fine, obviously if I didn't get your call I have better things to do then waste time chattering on this small piece of metal that is frankly a waste of space and money. Please don't leave a message /Beep/_

Tenten:

_This is Tenten's phone! Right now I'm attempting to deal with Neji, Lee, and Gai, apparently Gai forgot that Lee shouldn't drink, so it'll probably be a while before I can call you back, but feel free to leave your number and ill call you when I get the time (sounds of crashing are heard in the background) /Beep/_

Alright here it goes Team Eight!!:

Kurenai:

_Hello this is Yuhhi Kurenai's phone, right now I'm busy so please leave me a message and I'll try to get back to you, Asuma if this is the Third time you called and I haven't picked up then DON'T CALL AGAIN!! Also hippies who are trying to recruit me guess what? I AM NOT A TREEHUGGER!! My gentjustu will be used on you if you leave a message and you'll find out why I'm not a tree hugger / Beep/_

Shino:

_At this Moment I am unable to receive your call. Either that or Kiba stole my phone again and Akamaru is using it as a chew toy so just make the effort and walk to my house. /Beep/ _

Kiba:

(Kiba) _So what am I supposed to do again Shino?(Shino) / sigh / just press the enter button there and say what you wanna say, and judging by that timer on the phone you've been recording for a minute…..(Kiba)oh yeah, wait why are the numbers red now? (Shino) It means you've recorded and your almost out of t- / Beep /_

Hinata:

_U-umm this i-is Hinata's p-phone. I-I cant get t-to my p-phone at the moment, im o-on a m-mission with Naruto right n-now. And i-im trying really h-hard to m-make a g-good impression since the l-last time I –saw him s-so (Naruto) Hinata COME ON! I NEED TO STOCK UP ON INSDTANT RAMEN!! (Hinata) EEP! / falls to the ground / (Naruto) HINATA!!ARE YOU -- / Beep /_

Akamaru:

_ Wuff wuff, barkle pant bark bark wuff barkle wuff wuff!! / Beep /_

Team 10 Time!!

Asuma:

_Hey there Asuma here! Kurenai I'm sorry I seem like a stalker but I was anxious to hear from yu again so please don't hit me when I come home tonight. Ino ,no, Smoking is not something you can quit on a whim, Choji nice try no more mooching barbeque off me you're a chunnin make your own money, Shikamaru, sorry but I've gotten my butt kicked enough today so you cant beat me at Shogi tonight………/ Beep /_

Ino:

_YAMANAKA INO IS NOT HERE!! But if your hot enough I'll call you back if you leave your name and number for me SASKE THAT MEANS YOU!! If however you are not Sasuke then BACK OFF!! Also this is the president of the Uchiha Sasuke club! / Beep /_

Choji:

_Hiya Choji here, I'm busy eating so give me a little while to finish up and il call you back! If not then call Shikamaru he'll probably know where to find me. / Beep /_

Shikamaru:

_Troublesome phone………Yes this is Shikamaru Nara's phone, if your a telemarketer take me off your list or ill sick Ino on you, By the way if your calling me cause you cant get a hold of Choji then give up and find him yourself because I wont be of much help seeing as how the last time he looked at his inbox was when he set the color of his box to Uzamaki Orange. Don't ask me, ill probably be sleeping / Beep /_

_--_

Alex: wow now I'm done yay!!

Review please or ill be the one sicking Ino on you!! 


	2. Kotestu, Izumo, and Team Seven!

Alex: hi all ye fans

Alex: hi all ye fans!! Heres a little something extra for waiting for my latest update on High School Hole !!

Lyndy: / cough cough /

Alex: OH YA!! ungags shikamaru

Shikamaru: What. The. Hell. Woman?

Alex: just do the disclaimer, and ill undo all the duct tspe that's holding you to the chiar.

Shikamaru: / glare /

Alex: / sigh / and the chains…..

Shikamaru: / glares harder /

Alex: / frowns / fine and the ill let you out of the glass box!

Shiakamaru: Alex does not, will not, and cannot, own Naruto or anything else for that matter.

Lyndy: / is snickering at the double meaning /

Alex: / is oblivious /

--

More answering Machines:

Team 7:

Kakashi: _if your hearing this then I am too busy reading make-out paradise to care about why you are calling, please don't call me repeatedly and ask for money, ramen, or chances to pummel my bones to dust, Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura THAT MEANS YOU and in that order as well………/ Beep /_

Sakura: _Ino stop calling I didn't steal your purple nailpolish, believe it or not Sasuke did, trust me his obseesion with killing has gone a little to far. In fact I may have to start calling Animal Crualty if this keeps up………oh and Naruto no I will not go out with you, so anyone else please leave a message an ill try to get back to you later…….. / Beep /_

Naruto: _Okay if your hearing this then I finally go the hang of this waste of ramen money!! If not then why am I talking to an empty room? Anyway Teme if your calling from Michael Jackson's base then pleas leave a message, Sakura just come over!!.../Beep/_

Sasuke: _Naruto stop calling, I ran off like an idiot for a reason. If youstoip calling mayb ill come home sooner becuas e then ill HAVE TIME TO TRAIN!! Sakura if you somehow got this number NEVER CALL IT AGAIN If you are looking for Itachi for the last time THIS IS NOT HIS NUBER!!……oh and Kabuto if its you I'm still having that uhh, medical problem once every month………../Beep /_

Imuzo and Kotetsu!!

Imuzo: _/Sigh/_ _okay seeing as how I'm barely ever home at all here goes. If you're looking for me odds are I'm at Hokage Tower with Kotetsu doing Tsunade's neglected paperwork. Have a nice day cuase I wont……. / Beep /_

Kotetsu: _Kohona's number one flirt here! If your listening to this then im being dragged by Imuzo to work, or tortue the gennin! Leave your name and number for me to call you up on later! …………/ Beep /_

--End--

yeah I know it sucks, but at least now you guys have a new chapter, Any ideas who o should do next? PLEASE TELL ME!! And ill have a special Addition for Akatsuki so don't worry….


	3. Sannin,Hokages,and Team Kakashi!

**Alex: hiya peeps ^^**

**Lyndy, wel larent you on an updating roll?**

**Alex: Well yeah im trying to do as much as possible for my fans who I missed during those cold months without a working computer TT^TT**

**Lyndy: *kicks Hidan***

**Hidan: LET ME OUT OF THESE F******G CHAINS YOU B****!!!**

**Lyndy: jeez hidan we're trying to keep a PG-13 rating at least * sweatdrop ***

**Alex: Well you should've thought about that before you dragged him into the studio!! Byakuya is gonna be here soon!!!**

**Lyndy: * rolls eyes * Whatever…..Hidan do the disclaimer or ill castrate you for the rest of your natural life….**

**Hidan: but my life doesn't end…. * eyes widen ***

**Lyndy: **_**Exactly**_

**Hidan and Alex: * shiver in fear ***

**Hidan: UNIVERSAL DISASTER DOESN'T OWN NARUTO OR ANY OTHER COPYRIGHT OR TRADEMARKED MATERIAL!!!! *cowers ***

**Alex: Lyndy…..your scaring me…..**

**Lyndy: eh?**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Sannin**

_**Orochimaru**_**: **(_Oro) Hello thisss isss my phone, (screams are heard in background) I'm busssy with sssome experimentsss ssso I may not be able to anssswer right away. (more screams are heard) WOULD YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP IM ON TH- (beep)_

_**Jiryia**_**:** _Hello this is the great Toad Sages phone!!! Right now im conductiong a little ..er.. research, so I may not be able to call you back for several more hours! But don't worry your great idle shall call any lovely ladies back as soon as I can. Naruto , please stop calling me……(beep)_

_**Tsunade**_**: **_Tssunade here, im busy having sake with Tsume, so I not gonna call you back wrrrite away (slurping noises are made) DON'T WAIT UP! (beep)_

**-------**

**Past Hokages**

_**First**_**: **_Hello this is the first here!! Im sorta busy trying to build the village and try to stop Madara from destroying it so……(beep)_

_**Second: **__What in Kamis name is this thing? (first) it's a phone! (second) Ermmm how does this device have any relavince to being Hokage? (sounds of first hitting his forehead are heard) (beep)_

_**Third: **__Hello this is The third hokage! Im trying to get Konohamuru down for a nap so this thing will be in silent for while, seeing as how the one who calls and wakes him up is dead meat… I suggest you only call in emergencies (beep)(__**1)**_

_**Fourth: ( **__Kushina} come on sweetheart at least set the answering thingy! I got you it as a gift! (Minato) Fine, fine, ermm ooooh why are the numbers re- (beep)_

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**The Rest of Team Kakashi (original)**

_**Rin: **__Hello?This is Rins phone I probably cant reach it as Kakashi insulted Alex and knocked into next Tuesday……*sigh * When will men learn. ( beep )_

_**Obito: **__OBITO UCHIHA HERE!!!!! Im running late for a mission…..so got to run hope to call you back later! (beep)_

_-------_

**FIN!!!!**

**Yeah yeah I know the chapters are short but they're getting better right?**

**I hope TT^TT**

**Anyways**

**go to wikipedia and search Naruto characters, you can learn the thirds FIRST name!!! its beter then you'd think it'd be I promise XD**

**and way I hope if ou've gotten this far you actually read it ^^**

**So PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**Or ill start deleting pieces of the next chapter of High School Hole * evil cackle ***


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